Cameron Reduced To Tears By Bruising Rebuke From Vince Cable

This is frankly intolerable

Prime minister David Cameron was left quaking in his boots today, after he received a scathing attack from nimble-footed LibDem minister of paperclips Vince Cable over the mildly controversial ”Bloody pakis - don’t you just hate ‘em?” speech he is due to deliver.

“It’s all very well saying that there are far too many immigrants in this country and blaming it on the reluctance of their white masters to take up offers of jobs they think are far too much like hard work,” said a clearly aggrieved Mr Cable. “But if he cuts immigration to a trickle, as he’s proposing, is he quite, quite sure there will be enough white British surgeons to go round?”

On receiving the powerful LibDem minister’s scornful verbal barrage, Mr Cameron burst into tears, ran away and hid in a cupboard, refusing to come out until Nick Clegg promised to put Mr Cable’s muzzle back on.

A spokesman for Number Ten later denied that Mr Cameron’s divisive speech was mere vote-chasing with a cynical eye on next month’s council elections.

“No, he’s a patronising bigot and shameless opportunist all the time,” he insisted.