Saturday 25 October 2008

Firearms Officer Cries Like a Girl at Menezes Inquest

A police marksman burst into floods of tears as he told relatives of Jean Charles de Menezes that he would have to live with killing an innocent man and getting away with it scot-free for the rest of his life.

The officer, identified only as C12, spoke of his “great frustration” when instructions from his superiors dried up as the doomed electrician reached Stockwell tube station, and wept as Deputy Assistant Commissioner Cressida Dick tightened a G-clamp attached to his genitals.

“In order to defuse a stressful and dangerous situation, I took immediate steps to reduce my adrenalin levels by discharging my pistol three times into your son’s head at point-blank range,” he told Mr de Menezes’ mother. “It was a great stress-buster, and I felt much better afterwards.”

The elite firearms officer went on to describe his “sense of disbelief and of shock, sadness and confusion” the next day when he learned that the man he had shot was not a dangerous terrorist after all, and realised that he would have to put up with a couple of years of fannying around in court.

“A lot has been said in the media about the anguish of the victim’s family,” said the sobbing marksman. “But what about my awful suffering? I haven’t been able to strut around in public with a Glock strapped to my chest for two years now - and every time I go to the practice range, all my CO19 colleagues pretend to run around in panic, jabbering 'No shoot me, Meester Fawlty!' My life is an unending nightmare.”

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