Councils Unveil Exciting Plan To Relocate All Services To Your Local Branch Library

The Local Government Association today declared their ongoing support for library services by revealing their intention to chuck all those boring old books into a skip and fill the resulting space with all the local services which people need to access.

What you can expect to find in your exciting new library:

Everything you need under one roof

000 Computer Science, Information and General Works – internet café
100 Philosophy and Psychology – NHS mental health drop-in service (max. 5 mins per patient)
200 Religion – community singalongs with Archbishop Rowan Beardie and his folding altar
300 Social Sciences – housing benefit enquiries and drop-box for unwanted children
400 Language – a Kurdish refugee, practicing for his citizenship test
500 Science (including Mathematics) – a local GP, practicing his golf swing (mornings only)
600 Technology and Applied Science – a planning assistant (by appointment only)
700 Arts and Recreation – 24-hour bar with disco dancefloor beats (under the watchful eye of PC Savage)
800 Literature – 40-year-old Noddy book (some pages missing)
900 History, Geography and Biography – waste recycling facility