Why Oh Why Don’t Our Lefty Police Chiefs Declare War On Gun-Toting Darkies? Wails Daily Mail

Ashley Cole receives his orders for the ethnic cleansing of Belgravia

The Daily Mail today bravely broke ranks with the rest of Britain’s politically-correct tabloids, delivering an impassioned plea to the nation’s bleeding-heart liberal police forces to man up and blast tooled-up darkie gangs like Chelsea FC from our bullet-riddled streets once and for all.

“How much longer must the white race cower in fear behind our curtains while Ashley Cole rampages through suburbia with impunity, black as a coalman and potting away at his betters with a tommy gun?” begged editor Paul Dacre.

“Chelsea used to be a decent area,” stammered fearful local resident Harold Jonathan Esmond Vere Harmsworth, 4th Viscount Rothermere, who only spoke to the Mail under conditions of strict anonymity. “Then these swarthy foreign devils swarmed into the borough, lured by the ill-gotten coin of their swaggering kingpin, Roman Abramovich – a Christ-murdering Jew, by the sound of it, or I’m a Chinaman – and holding their unspeakable cabbalistic voodoo ceremonies right on the doorstep of our dearly departed Imperial forefathers resting in Brompton Cemetery.”

The gangsters brazenly flaunt their hideout, yet the police do nothing

“Time was when one could see those johnnies off by swiftly taking a stick to their dusky hides, whenever one spied them brazenly walking along the same pavement as a precious white memsahib in broad daylight, if you please,” he spluttered indignantly. “But I confess I was somewhat put out when sambo Cole pulled a Mauser on me one day and openly threatened to break a cap in my fundament.”

“Those were his exact words,” he added vehemently.

Richard Littlejohn, the Mail’s foremost wordsmith, threw down a gauntlet to Britain’s loony-left chief constables – and in particular the notoriously gun-shy, homosexualist-loving Commissioner Sir Kim Jong-Stephenson of the Metropolitan force – calling for an immediate artillery barrage upon all those gangsters of the coloured persuasion who now defile the nation’s most sacred football grounds, the grandstands echoing with unintelligible heathen chanting as they gleefully force true-blue labouring-class captives like plucky little Wayne Rooney to dance for his life amid a hail of bullets.

Meanwhile, in an accompanying op-ed article, charming gentleman columnist Peter Hitchens bravely taxed many delicate lady readers’ sensitivities with the unwelcome but necessary revelation that many of Mr Abramovich’s nig-nog hordes were “this long.”