Reasoned Debate of Hung Parliament Not What We Want After All, Say Voters

Polls commissioned by the entirely uncommitted Sunday Times and Sunday Telegraph suggest that the electorate has suddenly realised that they would rather have one clear hate figure on which to focus their impotent anger when they are forced to suffer the economic cataclysm which lies just beyond Thursday.

Both completely unbiased polls show that support for Lib Dem leader Nick Clegg has tumbled to fractional figures, with voters waking up to the notion that a hung parliament will inevitably mean that the prime minister will be able to slickly pin the blame for everything on somebody else, in a kind of never-ending echo of the election campaign in which everybody has now lost all interest.

"I've set my heart on four years of shouting 'wanker' at that slippery public-school ponce Cameron every time he pops up on the news to announce another cut," said a typical floating voter, Rob Blind. "I don't want him to be able to wriggle out of it every time by claiming the decision was reached by a compromise with his coalition partners. How can I work myself up into a seething rage of righteous indignation when every attack on my wallet has been decided by a rational discussion taking in a broad spread of equally-unpalatable alternatives? It would never work."

Another typical member of the electorate, Nick Stuff, agreed: "I've thoroughly enjoyed hurling a string of eye-watering obscenities at my TV every time Gordon Brown's scowling visage popped up on screen. Imagine how much more pleasure I'd get from seeing him arguing from an even weaker position than he already occupies. I don't want him to have some kind of get-out-of-jail-free card every time he sticks me for another tenner."

Seasoned political veterans say the demographic shift away from the uncharted waters of reasoned discussion at the highest level has been motivated by the rapidly-crystallising thought that even though the next government will have little alternative but to hit everyone repeatedly in the pocket, many people would like to believe that no matter how hard the recovery will be for them and their families, it will at least be nice to think that all those lazy, scrounging bastards on benefits will be getting shafted harder.

"I'll gladly make each new car last another year," smiled Mr Blind, "If it means I can have a jobless hoovering my house every day in return for their JSA."