Adolf Hitler and a glove puppet were today celebrating their conquest of the North East, Yorkshire and Humberside, after almost a million Britons decided to piss on the graves of 50 million victims of World War Two and vote for fascism.
"I'd like to thank all those petty, small-minded morons for doing what fatty Goering failed to achieve, and giving me a secure foothold in the British Isles," smiled the resurgent Führer, who many thought had been banished to the pages of history and the fires of hell. "With my loyal deputy puppet Billy Brit at my side, I shall sweep across the continent and put a stop to this pan-European dictatorship."
"I'd also like to thank the press - especially my old friends at the Daily Mail - for their sterling work in demonising Muslims, immigrants and European migrant workers," he continued. "And I probably couldn't have done it without my allies in UKIP, who have done so much to help the very people who fought me 70 years ago to forget what it was that they were fighting against."
"Finally, I'd like to thank the great majority of the great British public, who couldn't be bothered to vote at all," he added. "Many of you said, 'It doesn't matter who you vote for, the politicians always get in.' Well, I certainly couldn't have got in if you hadn't been so smug about disenfranchising yourselves. And thank you, too, to everyone who stayed at home to protest about politician's expenses. Your apathy has ensured that I can receive a large amount of your money to promote my message of hatred, fear and bigotry, whilst claiming a hefty salary for being a member of a parliament whose authority I do not recognise."
Mr Hitler then went on to outline his plans to exterminate the Jews, the blacks, the Asians, the homosexuals and the mentally defective. He refused to be drawn, however, on whether the 916,424 people who voted BNP last Thursday would be included in the latter category.
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