The 13-year-old head of the schools inspection body Ofsted, Christine Gilbert, has urged schools to stop wasting their time trying to educate young people and concentrate on the core task of keeping them entertained instead.
"School? Yawn! Bor-ing!" she said. "My inspectors used to spend ages sitting in on lessons and writing all these reports what I had to read and god, it was dull stuff. After staring out of the window for five minutes I came up with this really amazing idea that nobody's ever had before, right, straight off the top of my head - why don't all the teachers stop droning on about boring old Shakespeare and evolution and stuff, and do a really funny stand-up routine instead? Then we could all vote for the best one! Then everyone could have a debate about who's better, footballers and their WAGs or pop stars, right? And then you could, like, go online for the rest of the day and the lads could download porn and the girls could buy loads of pink-coloured things. Brilliant!"
Parents said they were all for the idea in principle, explaining that they didn't really mind what happened in schools as long as they took their whiny, attention-seeking brats off their hands during the daytime.
Some pupils, however, said the proposals didn't go far enough.
"It's all very well making school less boring," said Sammy Jo, 14. "But sooner or later I'm going to have to face the reality of a really tedious job in Sainsbury's, endlessly restocking the bread shelves or making things go beep and shit. When are they going to do something about making jobs less boring? I tell you, I'm not looking forward to entering the world of work at all. The more I think about it, the less I feel like living. The only way out, as far as I can see, is to keep shagging until I get pregnant. Then my life would be really, really interesting."
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