Tuesday 20 May 2008

Marks and Sparks Bonus Scheme is Pants

Marks and Spencer staff were left disappointed after the high-street retailer slashed their bonuses - despite posting its first billion-pound profit in ten years.

The food and clothing giant defended its behaviour by saying that, although profits had risen by 4.3% over the previous year, like-for-like sales had actually fallen by 1.7% in the first three months of 2008. It added that £12.8m would be split between its 62,000 customer assistants, while a further £4m would be shared by high-performing head office teams.

A quick flurry on the Nev Filter calculator suggested that the hardworking store staff would receive an average £206.45 each - and also that, unless there were more than 19,375 head office workers, the admin teams stood to pocket considerably more. In the previous financial year, the company paid out £91m in staff bonuses, an average of £1213 per worker.

Chief executive Sir Stuart Rose - speaking from the head office - defended the drop in bonus payments, saying that he expected market conditions “to remain difficult for the foreseeable future.”

“Our core business is retailing food and clothes, especially pants,” he explained. “In the current climate of fiscal belt-tightening by hard-hit consumers, we are especially vulnerable. Our customers are likely to go commando at first, treating undercrackers as optional luxuries. Then, as bread hits £5 a loaf, their clothing will start to fall from their emaciated frames and, unwilling to spend their dwindling cash reserves on smaller sizes, Britons will crawl around naked until they finally succumb to starvation. This is likely to impact negatively on our retail targets.”

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